Nights

It's kind of weird that I prefer night time because of the peace and quiet.. Yet at the same time, I don't really handle being alone all that well :S

I've discovered a long time ago that when I'm by myself at night, my head tends to think about a million things that I really shouldn't be thinking about.. Then I lose hours of sleep and end up waking up in the afternoon :P

The thing is, I'm addicted to this drug.. It's a mental "drug", btw.. Because it's a drug, it's not really good for me but I crave for it anyway.. The more I tell myself it's bad for me, the more I want it right here and now.. And yet, when I finally have it, I feel like I don't want it anymore.. Then when I lose it, I want it again.. And so the cycle continues..

Arrrggghhh.. I hate being an addict :(

I should find something else to crave for :P

I feel like my life's on hold.. Like I have to wait for something to happen before I can finally LIVE.. Well, I AM waiting for something.. And I've been waiting for it for the last six months now.. I am so tired of waiting! I wish I could just whip something just to make it happen..

I wonder why I'm so moody nowadays.. I suppose this self-imposed isolation is starting to take its toll on me.. But where can I go?

You know what.. If what I'm waiting for actually happens, the first thing I'm gonna do is go to the sea and just sit there.. I wanna hear the waves pounding on the shore.. Hear the birds swirling above my head.. I love being next to the water.. I once sat next to the river and cried my eyeballs out.. I was having a really rough time and when I was there, I felt safe enough to be vulnerable, so I cried.. When I left a couple of hours later, I felt so much better than I had in a long time..

So yes, now's one of those times when I could really use some "me" time next to the water :P