I'm baaacccckkkk

It's been about a month since I've come back to Southampton. It's been really cold and grey outside. The sun's been shining on occasion, but only to trick me to come out of the warm indoors into freezing temperatures :P

The PhD's been going OK, if not slowly. I'm lucky that I know my way around a lot better than the average student. But I have this nagging feeling that I really should be more productive than I currently am.

I'm getting back into the groove of watching movies now, which is great. I've also managed to go back and see the water at Mayflower Park. I guess my next destination would be Riverside Park, but maybe later. I don't think I'm ready yet..

I've decided to maintain THREE blogs now. This one, my ECS one, and a new one solely dedicated to my research. Dunno how I'm gonna manage, but I will :)

Will post up the links to the other two when they're properly up and running.

This is it!

No words can fully express the things running in my mind right now.

Sad that I'm leaving my family and friends.

Happy that I'm finally living my dream.

Proud that after all the pains I've finally found my gain.

Scared that I'm biting off more than I can chew.

Excited that I get to relive my student days all over again.

Concerned that if I don't perform, I'll have to pay my debts till the end of time.

But most importantly..

Thankful that Allah has granted me more than I ever thought I deserved. Alhamdulillah.

I'm thankful to my dad who diligently drove me around up and down West Malaysia when the goal was nowhere in sight. I'm thankful to my mom who was my source of motivation. If it weren't for my parents' help, I'm not sure I'd have the strength to be where I am right now.

I'm thankful to Eric whose assistance was probably was the turning point of my whole ordeal.

I'm thankful to Kak Rush who surprised me with her tenacity. I'm thankful to Pn Fawzia and Kak Fazlina who have been extremely kind and compassionate despite my constant pestering.

I'm thankful to Prof Jailani who went out on a limb for a nobody like me. I'm thankful to all the lovely kakaks and abangs who made me feel welcome at FST.

Other people waited for years to get where I am right now.. And many of my new found friends are still waiting. I feel so humbled to be here.

One thing's for sure. Failure is NOT an option.

I can feel like this is a major turning point in my life. Like I'm at the edge of a really tall cliff and I'm just about to jump. It's so scary but I know that this is my time to fly :)

Almost there..

Visa dah siap. Yay!

Tapi tiket blum siap. Amik masa seminggu lagi.

:P

More time to catch up with people :)

So it's confirmed that I'm NOT flying this Saturday!

Visa oh visa..

Haih.. Kata je kat website, dah ada online application and biometrics ni nanti all processing jadi lagi cepat.. Ni dah dua minggu dah ni oiii.. Dulu mintak time peak periods pun seminggu je dah dapat.. Haih..

Mintak2 laaaa esok dapat.. Kalo tak dapat? Kena pergi inform balik satu Malaysia yang aku tak jadi fly Sabtu ni.. Kena tunda lagi.. huhu..

Oh well.. More time for Prosperity Burger :D

Procrastination hits!

I have to present a proposal this Tuesday.. My progress so far?

Progress? What do you mean by progress? :P

I am being pursued relentlessly by a guy.. It's quite unfortunate that it's not the guy I was hoping for :(

Haih.. sungguh laa memilih.. Jadi andartu karang baru menyesal..

Speaking of memilih.. Seseorang baru sahaja memilih kekasih hatinya.. Hehe.. You know who you are.. I'm so happy for you!! :D

To add to the list, another new friend of mine also got an engagement proposal.. Awww, sweet giler.. Especially considering how we were bitching discussing about men's commitment issues just a few weeks before that :D

Sigh.. I guess it's that time of year.. People are coupling up everywhere! :P

No, I shall not succumb to peer pressure.. yet..

Living in the Past

Lots of people have been asking me, what's so special about Southampton? Of course, there's the skema answers like the Malaysian community is strong, the living costs are cheaper than London, etc. But if you were to ask me, "Dayah, what's so special about Southampton?" I'd give you a completely different answer.

When I was in Southampton, I found freedom that I never felt in my life before. If I wanted to do something, all I had to do was find out how and it gone done. I did and achieved things I could never dream of doing, and it was all possible when I was there.

When I'm here, there's this huge sense of limitation surrounding me; I can't do this, I can't do that. But the worst part of it is that I've lost that drive of getting past those limitations. I've lost the "can do" spirit that was once my backbone when I was doing my degree.

Somehow I've ingrained in my head the idea that when I get back there, I'll be my old self again, the one who always lived life with gusto.

At some point in my life, I have to remember that it's not where you are that determines how fulfilled your life is. It's what you do with the cards that were dealt that really matters.

Back to the Future

I'm so psyched right now. I'm so looking forward to the future!

As of right now, I've made a pledge to myself to:

1. Have a cook-out session once a week where I try a new recipe each time.

2. Properly clean my room/flat once a week.

3. Go to the movies once a week, with or without a mate.

4. Visit my friends at least once every three months.

5. Go swimming at least twice a month.

This list will grow, for sure ;)

I'll be off in the wilderness for five days starting this Thursday. It's not gonna be fun, but who knows, I might see someone who catches my eye ;)