Stupidity

Yup, it's that time of year again where I start doing what I do best.

OMG, Dayah will you please snap out of this.

Hardworking?

Well I wouldn't say that I am. But I sure as hell am good at faking it :D

Here at work, there are flexi-hour shifts which span 9 hours 15 minutes per day. So if I come in at 8.30am, I'm supposed to leave at 5.45pm.

Today, at 5pm, another (male) colleague of mine asked why was I still in the office and I said that I'm not leaving for another 45 minutes. He then laughed and remarked, "Intern pun kerja cukup masa," (Even as an intern, you still work the full hours) and then he said something about how he doesn't understand why people are so eager to work, which I agreed with wholeheartedly, LOL..

It's funny, coz this is the 2nd time someone's mentioned about me leaving "late." :P

Hey to be fair, I'm NOT 100% productive 100% of the time OK? You DO NOT provide me with broadband Internet and expect me to work dilligently all the time ;)

Love is a funny thing

It can do funny things to you. Well, to me at least.

I used to think I had all the answers when it came to matters of the heart. Not anymore, I can tell you that.

It's funny how I can get completely swept away by my emotions that I get lost in my fantasy world, never knowing what's real and what's not.

But the funniest thing is, it doesn't feel funny. It feels like the most serious endeavour in your entire life and the last thing you feel like doing is laughing.

But someday you will. Eventually :)

Style

I've got it.

My (male) colleague said so.

;)

eheh.

Work

So far I've survived 3 days of my summer internship. I was 30 minutes late on my first day. I'm assigned to the IT dept and it's one of the biggest departments in the whole building. After getting all excited about the prospects of working on something I'm good at, I was assigned to the subdivision that I'm least confident in. When I first got in, I was left sitting around doing nothing until lunchtime because nobody knew what to instruct me to do. However, once they did, I was utterly shocked. They told me to work on bridging two different technologies together when I have no idea how both of them work. Oh, the joy.

It got a lot better on my second day. I started to get a clearer view of what's expected of me. I was progressing well with my research and I've finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Still, I got lost in the building for a bit, but that was the only annoyance to my whole day.

However, today on my third day, I'm back to square one. A couple of colleagues were asking me what was my purpose serving my 2-month internship and what was I expecting from it. This time, the standard interview-style answer didn't suffice. They were looking for specific answers. Unfortunately, I didn't have any. To add to that, my project to connect those technologies hit a stumbling block: I don't know the technology well and my colleague who's supposed to be my primary reference point didn't either. I spent the whole 3 days researching on the Net, but it's not getting me anywhere and I need help visualizing what I've read. I feel so lost.

Sigh. That's my rant for today. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I just need to clear out my head before I walk back into the pressure cooker tomorrow.

First week home

It was exactly a week ago that my flight from Heathrow touched down on Malaysian soil. Ever since then, I've been eating out almost every day. Burger King, Pizza Hut, Chicken Rice Shop, Kenny Rogers.. it feels good to become a meat-eating machine again after months of being a non-practicing vegetarian. But of course, the crown of all culinary adventures belongs to our Malaysian-made, 24-hour mamak shops where I finally fulfilled my addiction to fried maggi and teh ais. Pure bliss, I tell you. I love the UK dearly, but those people have no idea what they're missing out on.

I went to Times Square yesterday and I was alone in Borders where I got approached personally by some guy who noticed the book I was reading. He wanted to sell me his copy of the exact same book for a fraction of the original price. He then went out to "get the book" for me and five seconds later, some lady wearing a Rakan Cop cap came to tell me that she was a house detective and warned me to watch out because that guy had been prowling that store for a couple of hours and he had been watching me for quite some time. I was so freaked out. Afterwards, I went looking for my guy friend and I never left his side till I got home :P

As unnerving as it was, I couldn't help feeling amused about the whole encounter. I travel on my own for most of my time in the UK and I'm always vigilant wherever I go. But once I come home, I lower my defences thinking I'm in the safety of my own backyard. And yet, this is when most of my unfortunate incidents happen. Last year, right after I came back home for the summer, my purse was stolen. I guess you can never be too careful, even when you're home.

The beginning

So many things happened this past year. I was juggling more responsibilities and it was taking a toll on my priorities. I've loved and lost. Then I've loved and lost, again. Along the way, I learned so many life lessons that I didn't even think was possible. Now I've realized there's so much I don't know.

And I want to make it right.

Have you ever felt that there's more to life? Have you ever felt that if you had given yourself even half the chance, you could do so much more? Have you ever felt that there were so many things that you wanted to do but you never got the chance to do them?

I do.

And my first step is to allow myself to live the life I have always dreamed of.

That step begins now.

There's a quote I found in Auschwitz:

"The one who does not remember history is bound to live through it again." - George Santayana

I'm going to chart my own future, the way I want it to, God willing. And whenever I stumble, may I see God's grace in every mistake. I'm looking to the future. I'm not the same person I was a year ago. And I know I'll keep changing. History will be my guide.