Dreams Can Come True

Secret to relationships?

2012-01-24T12:49:00.002Z

"Relationships last long because two people made a choice. The decision to keep it, to fight for it, and to work hard for it." - Anonymous

Import Large data file into MySQL

2012-01-09T17:20:00.001Z

http://www.johnon.com/import-large-file-into-mysql/
http://theandystratton.com/2009/importing-large-sql-files-into-mysql

Alhamdulillah!

Being a woman

2011-10-15T19:55:00.001+01:00

Girls want to control the man in their life. Grown Women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them. Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't.

Girls are afraid to be alone. Grown women revel in it using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys. Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come home. Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans. Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man. Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e., don't want him hanging with his friends). Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends.

Girls think a guy crying is weak. Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so. Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his 'manhood'.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it. Grown women know that was just one man.

Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'. Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.

Love by Kayyla

2011-10-14T15:39:00.000+01:00

My life is so consumed
By things that make me so confused
The pain of loving someone
When they won't love you

Giving them your heart
Just to see them tear it apart
Not knowing why you care so much
When they won't care for you

Fighting for them
Time and time again
Trying to prove yourselves
Wanting to be with them

Misery and happiness
Joined together as one
To you it might be called agony
To me it's called love

Post coach tour and unilink buzz

2011-09-26T15:07:00.000+01:00

OMG I just did two of my most favourite things to do all on the same day.

How awesome is that?!

:D :D :D

The unilink was interesting because we were given a new (rather rubbish) temporary bus. One near-miss accident and countless people with death wishes later, I got out to do the final City Coach Tour, and this time it was amazing!! Perfectly executed, rarely needed to look at my notes, and I even had an amazing Pompey bus driver to trade barbs with.

Today's an absolutely amazing day.

And it's not even over yet. I'm going back to finish off my unilink work in a few minutes ;)

Purpose in life?

2011-09-25T23:51:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I don't really realize how many lives I am very blessed to have touched.

I was emailing a guy who went on one of my UCAS tours, and hearing how things are going remarkably well for him, it just makes me humbled to think that I may have a small part in making that all happen.

God certainly works in mysterious ways. Alhamdulillah :)

Post-tour Buzz

2011-09-21T15:14:00.000+01:00

Second day of Student Welcome-ing!

I was assigned to help with the Meet and Greet session at Heathrow this morning. So I woke up at 5am(!) this morning so that I could catch the 6am bus from Highfield Interchange to Heathrow. Then when I got there, I stationed myself with a (broken) lollipop sign with 'University of Southampton' written on it. It was fairly boring, but in hindsight, I probably did the least amount of work compared to those who were actually ticking off names and giving out luggage tags, so yay!

Then at 10am, we left Heathrow and went to the students' halls of residences. After we dropped them off, us helpers finally finished our shift bang on time at 1pm! So I had lunch then I went to my second shift of the day - the highlight, really - which was the City Coach Tour.

:) :) :)

What words can I say to describe how much I love doing these tours?

Today was an amazing day to do the tour. The sun was out, and it was nice and bright, and I had this massive smile plastered on my face. This time, thanks to the meticulous notes I made yesterday (courtesy of my OCD side) I managed to go through my script with barely a stumble! It was awesome! Amazing execution.. I love it when my hard work pays off :)

On a side note, I think I was a little bit harsh to the International Office staff who was also on my bus.. I hope she didn't take my tone of voice to heart..

I don't know why doing these tours give me such a joy in my heart.. I guess being a know-it-all just gives me one big massive thrill :P

Back in Soton :P

2011-09-20T16:06:00.000+01:00

OK so my mission to blog daily in Malaysia failed miserably... :P

Anyway, I'm now back! And I must blog about my awesome City Coach Tour today.

It was awesome. All levels of awesomeness.

There.

I said I had learnt Russian and lo and behold, there was a Russian lady on my coach :P

It's amazing. I love love love doing coach tours.

If only I had this much passion for my PhD!!!

Day.. I dunno

2011-09-04T17:32:00.001+01:00

I'm now back from my trips round Malaysia :)Interesting things that happened:1. My stepdad is weird. He thrives on breaking the rules.2. I got stung by a hornet :S3. I got asked a *million* times about whether I had a boyfriend or not :PMy aunt and my grandma's now at my home, so I'm now evicted from my room :PSo far I've been meeting lots of friends almost every day of the week. And so far, I've only met *one* person twice this whole time. I'm really blessed to have so many diverse sets of friends, I guess ;)It's pretty odd though when I see my friends.. it's like everybody's on the fast track of life.. jobs, marriage, kids, death.. and I feel like I'm still sitting there waiting for the bus to arrive :P

Eid - Day 1

2011-08-31T01:51:00.004+01:00

I've got about 1.5 hrs left before I head off for my second leg of Eid fun-ness!

So what happened on the first day of Eid:

Ate awesome rendang! Enough said.

Got to meet my extended family members that I haven't seen in years. I saw my granddad, my aunts and my uncles. I also got to play around with my stepmom's awesome camera. Took a million photos of the aforementioned rendang, and four pics of my granddad :P

Visited my grandmother's grave. I always get a bit melancholic when I visit her grave. She's known to be quite fierce amongst all her grandchildren, but she always spoiled me and my brother. There was once I wanted a cassette of my favourite artiste (OMG I'm so old) and on the release date, she accompanied me to a few cassette shops to look for it. Unfortunately because it was so new, they didn't stock it yet, so I changed my mind and asked for my second favourite artiste's cassette instead. And she still bought me that cassette! So yes, I miss her a lot.. and I always tear up a little bit when I see her tombstone. It's such a shame that my younger brother and my younger nieces and nephews never got the privilege to meet her :)

Travelled 6 hours in total for a 3-hour visit. But it was more than worth it :)

Today we'll be doing a 5-hour trip to Alor Setar, staying there for two nights, before heading back home again on Friday.

Day 5

2011-08-29T18:21:00.002+01:00

.. is the last day of Ramadan!

So I woke up to prepare the early morning meal, then proceeded to sleep until 1pm, so slight improvement there :P

But today's been amazing :D

Went to our local shopping mall at 11pm to see all sorts of Eid stuff being sold auction-style. The atmosphere was amazing! People were shouting out prices and the longer we stayed there, the lower the prices were! I managed to snag Eid biscuits for 1/3rd off. I even got to haggle some of the prices down :)

I also saw some *amazing* headscarves, but unfortunately I had already ran out of money by then. Some other time then :P

Apart from that, I also went to pick up my Eid dress from my aunt. Of course I was asked the all-time favourite question:

"So Dayah, do you have a boyfriend yet?"

:P :P :P

Oh help me God.

See, if you say that you don't have a boyfriend, the next question would be:

"How old are you now?"

Which can then go one way or the other:

"But you look so young!" --> positive result!
"OMG what are you waiting for?!" --> not-so-positive result.

I think on this occasion, I've managed to deflect their attention adequately enough. However, I'm not so sure how I'll fare when I finally meet my extended family members over the next week..

Tomorrow's Eid :)

I'm seeing my paternal grandparents in Ipoh tomorrow, then I'm seeing my maternal grandmother in Alor Setar the following three days.

And the interesting bit about our trip to Alor Setar is that my stepdad's following us there the whole time as well. This will be the first time he'll be in prolonged contact with my youngest brother. So this will be interesting to watch :D

I'll be travelling all over Malaysia until Saturday, so I won't be online very much, hence not blogging much either.

Selamat Hari Raya, everyone. Maaf zahir batin :)

Day 4

2011-08-28T08:50:00.003+01:00

Arrrgghhh.. must stop oversleeping!!

I only woke up at 3pm today :( :( :(

Woke up earlier this morning to cook our early morning meal, but once I slept around 6:30am, I completely missed my 11am alarm and *six* of my dad's calls.

:S

On a happier note, I actually managed to reheat everything *and* got the rice cooked (the night before) all in time for 5am! Result :D

Sigh.. I think I'm writing off today.. hopefully tomorrow will be a lot better :)

Day 3..

2011-08-27T15:58:00.005+01:00

.. could be considered an off day, in more ways than one.

I was in charge of cooking the early morning meal. Considering I was still awake, I decided to stay awake until the 4am that I'm meant to be up for. So I completely had zero sleep last night.

I had reheated everything and I put some rice into the rice cooker and everything was set by 5am when everyone usually wakes up to eat.. except, by 5am, the rice was still not cooked :S

I was panicking.. I apologized profusely to everyone saying it was my fault for cooking the rice late..

Then my mom took one look at the rice cooker and said, "Of course it's not cooked, you didn't turn the power on."

*facepalm*

So in the end, nobody had the rice, and we had to make do with the leftover noodles from last night's dinner :P

Sigh...

So around 6am, I went to bed, setting my alarm clock so that I'd wake up at 7:30am because I was going to go Eid shopping with my stepmom.

6:37am and I was still looking at my clock..

By the time 7:30am came, I had *just* about went to sleep, which meant I could barely open my eyes, so I quickly texted my stepmom to say I'm not coming. I think she was a bit disappointed by that.. she was already in her car by the time I texted her.. sorry! :(

But I went back to sleep.. and I didn't wake up until noon :P :P

By the time I woke up, my brother's been fed, all the laundry's been washed and hung to dry, and all the dishes have been washed.

:D :D :D

So yes, I just continued faffing the whole day until I met up with my old collegemates H and F for iftar. So yes, today's been a brilliant day, alhamdulillah :)

It was great talking to H and F. Back in college, we used to be in the rebel group, or what was called the MIC (Malay-Indian-Chinese) group (don't ask!). We didn't really fit in with everybody else, but we were quite a close-knit group back then.

Then university happened and we stopped speaking to each other for nearly 4 years.

It was quite amazing to be talking to each other after so long.

I always assumed them both to be the poster children of people going overseas and migrating for greener pastures, which essentially they both did for awhile. They both took some time to work, or look for work, and in the end they're both now working in Malaysia.

It seems so odd to me. They both were fighting so hard to get to stay in the UK to work there, yet in the end, they both ended up back home.

They both said there were better work opportunities back home, hence why they both returned.

See, I'm still in the stage of fighting to stay in the UK. I can't help but think that there's something I'm missing here :/

Day 2

2011-08-26T11:30:00.002+01:00

Actually today's not too bad.. I think I executed my maid duties fairly well :)

02:30 - Went to sleep :P

04:30 - Woke up to check if my mom's up to cook sahur for the family. She was. Went back to sleep :P

05:15 - Woke up to have sahur.

06:15 - Went back to sleep :P

08:00 - Woke up to get my brother AA ready for school. So ironed his school uniform, dressed him, gave him cornflakes + milk (which he threw away at the kitchen sink), cooked him some fried noodles.. only to *then* realize that today he was not going to school. *smacks forehead*

09:00 - Washed two sets of laundry and later hung them out to dry.

11:00 - Washed a *million* dishes, from sahur to AA's breakfast.

12:00 - Sent my brother T to buy some McDonald's to feed AA for lunch. I was lazy to cook.

12:30 - Retrieved laundry from the clothes line because it's starting to rain.

13:00 - My mom asked me "so how's your PhD?" :S :S

13:05 - Went back to sleep :P

17:30 - Eh? Is it 5 already? Woke up.

18:00 - Fed AA leftovers for his evening meal.

18:30 - Write this blog post.

18:45 - Got scolded for writing blog post instead of helping in the kitchen.

When can I go home?

Sorry, gtg now.

Day 1..

2011-08-25T09:36:00.003+01:00

.. as the maid :P

Our maid's gone home for Eid, hence it's now time for ~~all hell to break loose~~ everybody in the household to pitch in.

My mom's in charge of cooking. My brother's in charge of taking care of my youngest brother. I'm charge of laundry and cleaning.

I think I got off lightly there!

Just two hours into taking care of my youngest brother, and I already felt like tearing my hair out of my scalp.

:P :P :P

I really need to learn how to be patient.

Rain

2011-08-24T10:55:00.002+01:00

It's raining really heavily outside now..

It takes me back to the time when I was in my aunt's house.. She used to have these tin roofs.. and when the rain fell down, you couldn't hear yourself think, let alone what other people were saying, so we'd just sit there and listen to the cacophony of the rain hitting the roof.. It's quite amazing how we all just sat there in silence while the raindrops ebb and flow.. going from steady streams to a climactic crescendo before fading out completely..

:)

She now lives in a concrete block of flats :P

The government gave her the flat in exchange for tearing down her house.

Such a spoilsport.

Braids

2011-08-23T09:23:00.000+01:00

My mum braided my hair today.

:) :) :)

Things I Forgot About Malaysia #1

2011-08-22T12:13:00.002+01:00

If you leave sweets out in the open, you will attract millions of ants :S

I'm home :)

2011-08-21T15:18:00.003+01:00

I'm now back in Malaysia for three weeks :)

It's funny how it seems like such a long time but I'm quite sure it's gonna fly by in a blink of an eye.

My trip from Southampton to London Stansted was a trek! I had to take two buses, taking five hours in total. The first bus was late by an *hour*, and my layover before my next bus was also an *hour*, so that was a bit nerve-wracking, but I managed to catch the second bus (thank God!) and it all worked out in the end, so it's all good :)

At the airport, my mission was to get my brother some Flake chocolates and my dad wanted some cream for frostbite(?). I spent a good 30 mins or so just to find out that the airports no longer stock Flake chocolates, and I had no idea what my dad wanted so I had to abort the mission. In the end I just bought some Toblerone instead :P

Because I had wasted so much time faffing about, I hurriedly had to find some secluded corner to eat my Krispy Kreme doughnut and leftover pasta bake (it's Ramadan :P) before people began to board the plane.

All in all, my journey to get to the plane ran according to plan. It's just that everything was so manic and rushed; it was a definite departure from my mental image of relaxing in the lounge sipping a cold Coke (at a secluded corner, of course), surfing the Internet on my laptop before I leisurely stroll out to board my plane.

I took the AirAsia X flight from Stansted to KL LCCT this time round. I've heard lots of mixed reviews about the flight, so I guess I was bracing myself for the worst, but it's actually quite alright. Except for the smelly toilets and a wailing kid in the middle of the night, the flight was surprisingly pleasant. The chairs were nice and comfy, but I guess that only applies to people with Asian builds (i.e. short and small :P). The Spanish guy next to me had trouble sleeping the whole night. Speaking of the Spanish guy, he ended up borrowing my blanket throughout the flight. Did I tell you that you had to buy your own blanket for the flight? Well I brought my own, which I ended up not using in the end, so he asked to use mine instead :)

If he was hot, I suppose I would've chatted him up or something. But he wasn't. The air steward, on the other hand, was quite hot, but I was too embarrassed about him serving me food in the middle of Ramadan, so I didn't chat him up either :P

I had brought a novel, a magazine and a newspaper with me, in preparation for the long entertainment-system-less 13 hour flight, but surprisingly I only had time to read the novel and that was it. The rest of the time I spent eating (:P) and sleeping (unsuccessfully). The flight was a bit bumpy around the Indian Ocean, and unfortunately the travel sickness pills I took weren't as effective as I had hoped.. :S

But anyway... we finally landed at KL in good time. It was 31 degrees Celsius, so I was quite glad I had a T-shirt on. I got my luggage OK and I was greeted by my mom, my *two* dads and my two brothers. It was the first time I'd met my stepdad. He bought me a rose :P

What do I say about my stepdad? Hmm.. He looks like a good guy. Compared to my previous stepdad, this one definitely seems a bit more open to me and my family, which is nice. He's a Scorpio though, so I'm always on alert for any unexpected traits ;)

Another cool thing is my mom's now wearing a head scarf.. hence why I couldn't see her at the arrivals hall :P

So now I'm at home, and I've had my first dinner together with my "new" family, i.e. me, my brothers, my mom and my stepdad. I'm still not sure what to call him, to be honest. So far I've successfully managed to dodge that by *not* having to call him. But I guess at some point I'll have to decide on something.

He's made so many changes around the house. My room used to be really empty. But now, instead of a single bed, I know have a massive double bed. There are now two picture frames of flowers on the walls, and I now have *two* sets of wardrobes - not that I even *have* that many clothes to fill them with! I also have this half length mirror which has some wiped out scribbles made with lipstick on it.. weird.

So yeah, so many new things have happened while I'm gone. It seems to be for the better :)

While I'm in Malaysia, I plan to meet a few close friends and get back into the routine of helping out around the house. I also need to see my boss at some point. It would be nice if I could grab some time to go out and have fun on my own, but I guess I'll need my brother to drive me around for that. Ooh, he's got a job now as a trainee, which is starting on 6 Sept :)

My brother's all grown up now, so proud of him :D

I wonder when am *I* going to grow up..

He's sad that I bought him Toblerone instead of Flake :P

I feel a bit disjointed here at home. Like a stranger at my own home. Is that normal?

Ah well.. I guess I'll settle in soon enough.

o_O

2011-08-13T01:03:00.003+01:00

Holy shit I am freaking out right now.

Something's happening tomorrow, and I'm hoping it'll be really big.

I hope it's a nice big thing rather than a bad big thing.

Fingers crossed!!!

You Are A Masterpiece

2011-07-23T11:53:00.001+01:00

There has never been a person like you before, there is not anybody else like you right now in the whole world, and there will never be anybody like you. Just see how much respect God has paid to you. You are a masterpiece — unrepeatable, incomparable, utterly unique. Even the hardest heart, the rock-like heart, will start melting in gratitude.

Once you've done the deed, stay away

2011-06-13T22:47:00.002+01:00

Excerpt from a book..

Don't check in on him to ease your own conscience; it just confuses him. Yes, you feel bad; yes, you miss him. But you wanted out, so you don't get to swing by to ease your own temporary pain. Give him the space he needs to hate your guts and get over you so someday maybe you can be friends.

Dealing with Negativity

2011-06-09T09:17:00.001+01:00

This is actually a really brilliant post: http://celestinechua.com/blog/8-helpful-ways-to-deal-with-critical-people/

1. Don't Take It Personally
2. Objectify the Comments – Understand the Underlying Message
3. Take it as a Source of Honest Feedback
4. Address Your Discomfort Within
5. Don't "Ask" for Opinions if You can't take it
6. Disengage from their Criticism / Ignore Them
7. Show Them Kindness
8. Avoid Them

Thank God for My Supervisors

2011-06-07T13:34:00.001+01:00

I am totally, utterly, humongously fortunate and blessed to have my supervisors.

Despite all my misgivings, they really are the best supervisors in the world :)

Marriage in Islam

2011-05-08T20:25:00.002+01:00

Copied off of an email:

This is long.. but worth a read.. and a wonderful resource for working out what questions to ask at a level that really helps you know the person you are marrying.. I think the real question to ask is..

Would you want to be married to this man or this woman for all eternity because as Sh Waleed Basyouni points out in his lecture on Marriage in Islam.. this is the reality. .. and why intellectural commitment is the most important level of commitment in marriage.

There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone.

A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are. The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them. The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to how that time is spent.

Increasingly, young Muslim couples are engaging in "halal dating", which is basically socializing with each other in the company of friends and/or family. This includes going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing some sport or other leisure activity, etc. Depending on the family or culture, conversations are either minimal & chaperoned or worse, unrestricted and unsupervised. When you consider these limitations it makes one wonder when exactly, if ever at all, would the critical conversations take place? Unfortunately, for many, the answer is never and they live to suffer the consequences. If you or someone you know is in the "getting to know someone" phase, the following guide offers advice on exactly what to look for and avoid:

1) Do Not Marry Potential:

Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don't assume that you can change a person after you're married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it's often for the worse. If you can't accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don't marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry:

While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, "Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning." The idea of falling "in love" should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

1. Humility:
The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.

2. Kindness:
The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they've done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don't have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money? How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else's anger?

3. Responsibility:
A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character. You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.

4. Happiness:
A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. They very rarely complain.

3) Do Not Neglect The Emotional Needs of Your Partner:

Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated.

To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs: Attention, Affection, & Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: Respect, Reassurance, & Relief. It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive. When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his sexual desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans:

In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.

You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about? Then ask yourself, "Do I respect this passion?" "Do I respect what they are into?"

The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.

Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.

5) Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity:

Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why Allah has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.

Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.

Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or sexual commitment.

6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:

There are a number of questions that you must answer YES to:

1, Do I respect and admire this person?
2. What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
3. Do I trust this person?
4. Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
5. Do I feel safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself?
6. Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?

If the answer is "I don't know, I'm not sure, etc." keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don't feel safe now, you won't feel safe when you are married. If you don't trust now, this won't change when you are married!

7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety:

Choosing someone you don't feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don't feel safe, you can't express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can't really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it's very likely you are in an abusive relationship. Look for the following things:

1. Controlling behavior:
This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

2. Anger issues:
This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc. You don't have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

8) Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:

Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, "What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?" "What bothers me about this person or the relationship?" It's very important to identify what's bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them.

This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there's conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it's an indication they don't work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it? Are they defensive? Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it? Don't just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility:

It's very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that's their reason for getting married. People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married.

If you are currently not happy with yourself, don't like yourself, don't like the direction your life is going now, it's important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage. Don't bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner:

Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster. Also important to consider are the following:

1. Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside.
These include people who don't like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts. They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them. Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don't. They feel burdened by other people's needs and feel resentment towards them. These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships.

2. Addictions
can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship. Never marry an addict. Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol. They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc. When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you!

Additional Points to Consider:

The fact is no one looks 25 forever. Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance. When we get to know someone we love and admire, we'll love them for their inner beauty and overall essence.

Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc. We don't stop to ask, “What does all of this mean about their character?”

Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc. Asking clear questions can clarify this. Ask questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What are your expectations of marriage?” “How would you help around the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.

Be flexible. Be open-minded!

Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom. It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them.

Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health. The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship. If someone isn't God-conscience and doesn't take themselves into account with God then why should you expect them to fulfill their rights owed to you?

The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss. Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage. Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well. Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage

Hemoglobin H

2011-04-18T11:46:00.002+01:00

http://www.thalassemia.com/Hb_H_disease.pdf

A new beginning

2011-04-17T02:54:00.001+01:00

Again.

I really gotta stop making a habit out of this...

Here's to new days from this point onwards :)

Научусь летать - МакSим

2011-04-13T16:38:00.002+01:00

Он носит крылья в рюкзаке,
Мечтает и грустит о ком-то,
А на картинке так жесток.
Живет в пальто коротком чьем-то.
Он ищет ту, что не прощает,
Не придает, не отпускает.
Пока я есть, такой не знаю,
Но только, только обещаю...

Научусь летать с тобой на небо,
Там где звезды до рассвета
Говорят телами о любви.

Там его, конечно, встречу,
Разревусь и не замечу,
Как целует губы, руки не мои.

Коротких слов такого счастья
Не знала просто слова "здрасьте".
Сегодня я такой же масти,
Смотри, помада, туфли, платье.
Мне говорить с тобой не надо,
Забыть, начать любовь сначала
И быть невестой карнавала,
Лишь оттого, что обещала.

Научусь летать с тобой на небо,
Там где звезды до рассвета
Говорят телами о любви.

Там его, конечно, встречу,
Разревусь и не замечу,
Как целует губы, руки не мои.

Review: Going the Distance

2011-04-03T17:30:00.002+01:00

It's took me *ages* to finally get to see this movie, and I love it!!

Well, obviously having Drew Barrymore in it automatically makes me emotionally biased with this movie (she shares the same birthday as me!) but also the fact that a lot of the stuff this movie touches on really hits home for me in so many ways.

I love the fact that the movie delves into how the girl would always seem to be more 'in it' then the guys, and how the girl would drop literally everything just to be with the guy.

But I guess the best part is to let go of everything and just be true to yourself, and have faith that things will work out in the end.

I hope I'll always be true to myself. All the time.

Life lessons from Secret Diary

2011-03-30T22:45:00.002+01:00

This time it's from Secret Diary of a Call Girl..

*spoiler alert*

*****

Ben: Hannah..? This is it, isn't it? You're not coming.

Hannah: I love you, Ben. You're my best friend. I want you to have the best in life. But it's not with me. I can't give you what you need and I can't change who I am and I don't want you to change who you are. You deserve so much better than that. You deserve the best.

Ben: You know this is the end, Hannah, yeah? We can't go back from this.

*****

Hannah: Some choices we make for ourselves in life. And some we make for other people. Not because we don't love them. But because we do. The only way we know it's right is if it let's us stay true to ourselves. But we can't regret our choices. The past is behind us. All we have is the present and the future. Whatever that may bring.

Life lessons from DH

2011-03-30T21:55:00.004+01:00

Just watched an episode of Desperate Housewives..

*spoiler alert*

I can't believe Bree let him go!! o_O :'(

*****

Bree: One of these relationships isn't going to make it and it has to be ours.

Keith: We'll here's the only problem with that. I love you.

Bree: I love you too.

Keith: Good. Then you know why I won't leave.

Bree: Here's what I know. From the first day we met, I have been pretending that our age difference doesn't mean anything.

Keith: Because it doesn't.

Bree: It does. It means I have lived through more of life than you, including having children, which is something you desperately wanted, and now you have.

Keith: Bree, come on.

Bree: And while I have fallen in and out of love with several men in my life, I have never fallen out of love with my children. And you may think that you will never love another woman like you love me, but I know that you will.

Keith: I don't see how that's possible.

Bree: That's because you're young. You have given me so much, Keith. Please, let me give this to you.

March updates!

2011-03-30T13:59:00.003+01:00

I've passed my mini-thesis viva! After two hours of intense grilling, no less.. But yay nevertheless!

I've finally managed to make my own chocolate truffles! People in the labs loved them.. gonna make some more now :)

My submission got accepted as a poster into WebSci'11 :D

Because of that, I'm now planning a grand tour of Germany :D

I still haven't got my money.. Sigh.. Living on a day-to-day basis now.. I'm sure it'll work out soon.. It has to..

Feeling really good about my life right now.. Obviously it's not 100% great, but it's getting there..

:)

Peer pressure

2011-03-07T13:01:00.001Z

Damn. That's two now. Argh. Why are they all getting married so soon?

Quotes from The Kite Runner

2011-03-05T01:12:00.003Z

Guy: I'd marry you tonight if I could.

***

Girl: What do you see? (looking into their mirror reflection on their wedding day)
Guy: The rest of my life.

***

Guy: For you, a thousand times over.

***

Guy: There's a way to be good again.

Interfaith Debates

2011-03-01T20:04:00.002Z

What I love about these debates is that I learn so many intelligent arguments of faith.

But what I hate about these debates is the inability to empathize with what others are saying. No one's gonna listen to you if you disrespect them.

Self worth

2011-03-01T14:43:00.000Z

From my friend:

When you start questioning your self worth, it's time to let go of the thing that makes u question it as it is that thing which isn't worth it. Something that is worth your time will only enhance you and grow with you.

:D

2011-02-27T22:37:00.003Z

Very interesting life so far ;)

Setakat ni ada tiga.. Each one ada pros and cons.. Tapi overall semua takleh pakai.. Untuk suka2 boleh la kot.. for now..

Sorang ni dari masa dulu.. sejarah banyak, lama dan agak mendalam.. sekarang ni mungkin cuba untuk hidup di zaman silam kot..

Sorang lagi ni, bila jumpa kali pertama sunggguh laa tertarik sebab macam2 persamaan.. dari segi minat, dari segi pemikiran, sangat lawak..

Sorang lagi ni lain pulak.. sangat intense.. setiap kali jumpa mesti buat aku berfikir.. and rasa macam nak ubah hidup aku untuk jadi lebih baik..

Hmm.. menarik2..

My special day

2011-02-22T11:35:00.002Z

Today's my birthday!

I called my mom; she was in the middle of a lecture, and she got the whole class to sing 'Happy Birthday' to me on the phone :D

I called my dad; he got out of the shower to speak to me :P

I called my brother; he almost got fined for talking on his mobile while driving :P

Then my friends all came out en-mass to wish me happy birthday. My housemate gave me an awesome book on Pisces :D

Whatever did I do to deserve all this..

I'm so unbelievably happy.

:)

;)

2011-02-12T14:43:00.001Z

My Twitter timeline this afternoon is.. well.. interesting.

I lead a very exciting life ;)

PEMS

2011-02-08T12:16:00.003Z

Everyday (or so), try to do at least one thing in each category:

Physical - exercise! jump/dance/sing

Emotional - you know this too well already :P

Mental - read, visit places, (intellectual) TV programs

Spiritual - focus inwards!

Here's to a happy balanced life!

Perfect - Pink

2011-02-07T11:39:00.002Z

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You are perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're perfect to me
You are perfect, you are perfect!
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me...

:P

2011-01-30T23:44:00.003Z

OK spamming your supervisors at 11.30pm is not a good idea, Dayah.. Maybe it's time for bed..

I really need to figure out how to use my time better! Whatever routine I've got so far really isn't working..

Review: Donnie Darko

2011-01-28T22:34:00.004Z

I've just seen this movie twice now.

This movie is the type that makes you think twice, maybe more, about what the whole movie actually means, and it's absolutely fascinating.

The premise of this movie is about this teenaged boy who's suspected of schizophrenia; he's seeing a psychiatrist and taking meds for his mental illness.

At the same time, he keeps sleepwalking and he has an imaginary friend called Frank, who happens to be an oversized bunny rabbit with a really scary face.

Events lead him to do Frank's bidding, but each event then leads this boy to learning about time travel and his ability to leverage it.

What happens then is another series of events which actually brings him to use this power.

What I find fascinating is that I had to watch this movie twice to really understand what the events meant and why subsequent events were happening. And yet, now that I come to think of it, in each viewing, I had different interpretations of what was going on, and it dawned on me that this movie is the kind of movie that makes you think. You can have a proper debate with friends about what this movie really means, and what happens in the movie and why. And all of this would make perfect sense, with no right and wrong answers, because the movie's able to capture all these explanations in a way that's not cheesy or forced in any way.

This movie drags a bit, especially towards the middle, prompting me to question my decision to watch this movie more than once. But now that I've seen the beautiful ending again, the way the scene played out, the haunting soundtrack, and the enigmatic laughter in the end, I'm quite convinced that this is definitely a movie I'll be remembering for a long time.

Irony

2011-01-27T16:37:00.002Z

"If you put enough hours of the week into it, then it will happen. If not, then nothing will happen."

:P :P :P

Oh the irony.

Having faith

2011-01-22T23:10:00.000Z

"Tawakkul is having complete trust that Allah's plan is the best plan. [It] is having full faith that Allah will take care of you — even when things look impossible. [It] is standing in front of the Red Sea — as Prophet Musa did — with an army behind you, & not even flinching, knowing that Allah will get you through."

Today's a good day

2011-01-20T15:57:00.001Z

I presented a student seminar this morning, and it was completely brilliant. People liked what I was talking about, and someone even said it was one of the best seminars for awhile.

:)

... how come I'm still sad?

Tongue-tied

2011-01-18T16:18:00.002Z

I swear so many people can't say my name properly.

:P

Haiya all these Mat Salleh..

Some day they'll all know my name, and they would all damn well know how to say it.

;)

Life lessons

2011-01-17T22:13:00.004Z

I just saw pictures of my friend's ex getting married.

It's so odd. I don't know how to explain it really. I heard from another friend that the person whom the ex married looked like my friend, but I don't see any resemblance at all :P

More importantly, I just think it's all enlightening. Maybe it's because of where I am in my life at the moment which makes me think of things in this way. Every single thing that's happening in my life seems to be a life lesson.

When I see the happy couple, what I see are plans that were broken, and yet down the line God worked His magic and gave something else entirely in its place. Whether it will work out or not remains to be seen of course, but I have faith that it's the best thing that could happen at this time.

When I think about my life and where it's going, I think about all the things that have happened, and all the choices that I've made, and I've realized that every single thing happens so that I can learn something from it.

May I never lose faith in life and what it's meant to teach me.

o_O

2011-01-17T16:42:00.000Z

OMG, dammit.. malunya..

I just did the most embarassing thing in the world.. Haiyaaa.. dah la baru berazam nak tingkatkan self esteem.. ni pergi bodoh2 plak buat silap.. haiyoooooo...

Takpe Dayah.. suck it up..

Travel Logs

2011-01-14T13:01:00.004Z

Places I'm set to go to:
Amsterdam (see Moni and Roni!), Newcastle

Places I'm planning to go to:
Brighton, Cardiff (see Izan!)

Places I need to think about:
Iceland, Dublin

Places I must go at some point:
Worksop + Sheffield, Manchester

European places to visit at some point:
Sicily, Budapest + Vienna + Prague, Saint Petersburg + Moscow

Lunar eclipse!

2010-12-20T21:35:00.001Z

It's the lunar eclipse tomorrow, and apparently some really huge changes are afoot.

We'll see, won't we? ;)

My Perfect Graduation

2010-12-16T17:08:00.003Z

My idea of the perfect graduation day is to have my family and loved ones close by, attending the awards ceremony in hall with me :)

HOWEVER, they must be perfectly capable of fending for themselves (preferrably out of my sight) while I party it up with my fellow colleagues and lecturers during the after-party!

weddings..

2010-12-09T16:47:00.004Z

Sometimes I'm in awe looking at my friends and family getting married.. It all looks like so much hard work!!

But then how am *I* supposed to get married if I don't wanna do the work?

:S

See, my idea of weddings is a lot more low key.. Rather like magical instead of grand.. That makes sense, right? :D

Don't know how a low key wedding's gonna happen.. but a girl can always dream.. ;)

Response to Sir Tim Berners-Lee's Article

2010-11-24T13:24:00.005Z

Last Monday on the Metro, I read about Sir Tim Berners-Lee's remarks on Scientific American that 'Facebook is a threat to the Web'. I believe the news has also been covered extensively elsewhere, like the Guardian, CNet, ReadWriteWeb and more.

First of all, allow me to acknowledge the amount of sensationalism that most of these articles seem to project from TBL's article. I'm quite confident that Facebook's decision not to open up their data outside their own enclosed databases will not cause a complete meltdown of the Web.

Secondly, I think this is a classic conundrum that's pertinent for Web Science. The way I see it, this is a battle between technology vs people, and allow me to explain why.

Tim mentioned that the Web "was built on egalitarian principles and because thousands of individuals, universities and companies have worked, both independently and together ... to expand its capabilities based on those principles." Very commendable, but I think the article is missing one pertinent point: the crux of the matter is that we're working with individuals, universities and companies. I think it is very naive to assume that everyone will continuously work inside this macro environment carrying such egalitarian principles; not everyone is as nice as Tim is!

My first thought after reading this was that if the article advocated what is essentially a free market of data, where all the data in the world can be accessed by anyone (with permission, of course), then wouldn't that lead to capitalism, not unlike today's modern-world economy? In a free market, everything is tethered to pricing, supply and demand. Despite the misgivings of Facebook, there is a huge demand for what it does, and given this high demand, Facebook has every right to raise its so-called 'price', which in this context could be construed as the lack of openness of our data; once we're sucked in, we're sucked in for life (so to speak!).

I'm well aware of Tim's passion for opening up the silos of information that every big online company seems to be building, but I do feel that the article's message is somewhat contradictory. The article vouches for openness to help accelerate future innovations to grow, but surely people adopt these innovations because of their relative buy-ins? I join Facebook because my friends are there, and I use Twitter so I can follow people I find interesting. The beauty of living in an open and free market of the Web is that I have the power to choose. I used to be on Friendster, and all my friends used to be on it too, but at some point we've all migrated enmass over to Facebook. Back then we made the conscious choice that Facebook was better than Friendster, hence the jump. I believe that it doesn't matter whether Facebook's system is open or not; I believe at some point, when people start realizing that Facebook's existing framework is no longer adequate, then another will emerge, and people will jump enmass to that too. Whether the new system is open or not is not the issue, it's about what you can do with the system that matters.

My question is, what's the buy-in for users to use open-source projects like GnuSocial and Diaspora as compared to Facebook, especially if all my friends are only on Facebook? What's the buy-in for people to label every single relationship they've got into RDF triples? People adopt things because of what these things can offer to them. Selling the idea that you should adopt something because it'll help the Web become more open and 'it's the right thing to do' seems to be a little bit utopian if you ask me. Unless, of course, you're nice like Tim Berners-Lee!

Ultimately, I think what the article is really trying to promote is not an open market but socialism :D

Report: Grace Hopper Conference 2010

2010-11-12T13:29:00.002Z

Getting the email saying I could go to Atlanta for GHC was a godsend. After listening to how Reena went on and on about how amazing it was and how I should definitely apply for the scholarship, I was over the moon to actually get in.

The schedule was jam-packed with lots of very interesting events. The conference opened with the Career Fair and Sponsor Exhibits; I thought it was a goldmine for the University of Southampton, and ECS in particular, to set up shop there. Most the exhibitors were from the US, and we were the only UK presence in the whole conference. We certainly fielded many queries on whether we were from Southampton, NY as opposed to Southampton, UK, but I saw that as an unmissable opportunity to sell our courses to these really eager and bright computer scientists. I think our biggest selling point that seemed really attractive was how you could get a PhD after only 3 years, without any preliminary coursework, as opposed to the normal 4-6 years that a US PhD would take. I'm sure we would get more admission enquiries from these girls at some point in the future.

There was a one-to-one resume clinic which I attended, and I found the advice given by the lady I talked to - a senior official in a US college - highly invaluable. She opened my eyes to the possibility of me branching out to work in the US. So much so that when I went to a renowned company to ask about any internship positions, I was actually whisked away to be interviewed by one of their vice presidents! I didn't realize who she was at the time, but afterwards I couldn't believe how fortunate I was to have such a huge opportunity like that. I'm still waiting to hear from them, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

I learned so many different things while I was attending the multitude of seminars and plenary sessions they had lined up, but several takeaways that I've come to treasure is the importance of networking in order to advance your career, and how you should have more faith in your research work, no matter how bad it may seem to you at the time (because it might just be in your head!). I felt this overwhelming sense of confidence building up in me the more I attended these talks; I felt my confidence peaking during a Birds of a Feather session when I was actually glad to be holding the microphone!

To add icing to the cake, I won myself a Microsoft Zune!

For me, the magic of GHC lies ultimately in the fact that when we were there, there weren't any majorly visible file and rank system going on; everybody could talk to everybody and you could talk about anything from the smallest of trivia to the biggest problems of the world. Of course there's also the amazing dancing and partying, but I hold strongly that what happens in Atlanta stays in Atlanta. As Cyndi Lauper would say, "girls just wanna have fun."

I am immensely thankful to ECS and the Anita Borg Institute for allowing me this priceless experience.

I can understand why the value of such a conference could be lost on our male colleagues. Surely if there's a conference that promotes - no wait, celebrates - the female presence in computing, then wouldn't it be fair to have a conference celebrating males in computing? At that point, if we're celebrating both males and females, wouldn't it be more cost effective to just not run any celebrating at all and just cancel each other out?

I would argue that it all boils down to the difference between men and women. Yes, it may sound cliché, but women are more likely to find utility in sitting together in large groups and discussing amongst ourselves about the trials and tribulations of life as a postgraduate student, or how difficult it is to break the glass ceiling. It's just how women work. The book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" may not qualify as a credible academic resource, but some of its claims seem to make sense. When women have problems, or seek validation, we talk about it, and when we find other people listening and commiserating with us, we find that uplifting and motivational. This is the opposite of what the book claims to be the male mentality of turning inwards into their internal `caves' to fix their problems themselves. So with this perspective, it sort of makes sense to continue running (and attending!) a conference that celebrates women in computing.

One lingering thought amongst us girls was how badly we all wanted to go to GHC again, this time next year in Portland, OR. But we all knew how tight funding is going to be next year, and how lucky we all were for actually getting funded for Atlanta in the first place. Considering that out of all the 2009 alumni of GHC scholarship recipients, only one of them survived to go on to Atlanta, I knew it was going to be tough, so I told the girls the only thing I could think of.

"Good luck girls, may the best girl win."

Review: Dear John

2010-11-11T23:46:00.003Z

I always have a soft spot for really sad love stories. I didn't really know what to expect when I started watching this movie, but it had too many threads that were really close to my heart, like long distance relationships, trust, innocence, altruism, and ultimately betrayal.

Some of the acting's quite dodgy, but the chemistry between Amanda Seyfriend and Channing Tatum is *hot*.

I really love the drama ;)

Dear John on IMDB

Happy Feelings

2010-11-05T17:20:00.001Z

I lead a very blessed life, for feeling the things I feel.

Alhamdulillah.

Tour Guiding

2010-11-04T17:30:00.001Z

I love it :)

If I wasn't doing my PhD, I probably would be a full-time tour guide. It's amazing how I get such a buzz every time I do it.

Work Mood Swing?

2010-11-01T23:15:00.002Z

I find that my emotions are tightly connected to my work. It's like I get this massive dose of apprehension every time I feel like I'm not doing enough, and that makes me feel really down as a result.

Maybe a good night's sleep will help me get over it :)

Stats Day

2010-10-29T10:36:00.002+01:00

Today I had an *awesome* stats class (people actually could answer the questions coherently!), and then followed by an equally awesome seminar on how Google uses stats, like paired comparisons, Mantel-haenszel and something about parallel universes. I really liked how she explained the mechanics of Google Adwords and how stats were used to come up with the whole mechanism of deciding who gets displayed when and where.

Also, thanks to my dad for exposing me to Google Adwords. I get it know :D

Love you, dad..

Autumn in Southampton

2010-10-25T11:20:00.002+01:00

I love seeing the leaves turn green, yellow, orange, brown and red. The warm morning sun adds an ethereal glow to the whole feel.

Especially on the stretch of red trees along Above Bar Street.

My favourite season's here :)

Went to the gym today

2010-10-19T12:14:00.001+01:00

:D

It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

That said, my arms are feeling really heavy as I type this..

:P

Looking forward to the next session :)

90/10 Rule

2010-10-18T10:37:00.001+01:00

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.

C'mon Dayah, let's do this :D

Review: The Social Network

2010-10-12T22:23:00.004+01:00

I went to see The Social Network with my housemate today (free preview tickets!). I'm actually gonna be watching it again next week with the rest of my Web Science DTC mates, but I gathered that watching it twice (for free!) won't do any harm...

I think the movie's pretty smart. At some points, I thought to myself do these guys never stop partying or something, but I suppose you've gotta pimp up the movie somehow.

The best bit I liked about the movie was how someone kept refreshing the Facebook page waiting for a response. That was brilliant, because to me that sort of captured the whole essence of the whole Facebook phenomena -- the feeling that what you're doing online is being validated by the response of other people. The more immediate the response, the higher the adrenaline rush you get from it, hence the constant F5-ing.

Plus, I quite liked it when the main character Mark was rattling off about how he used all sorts of Linux and PHP trickery like wget and the like, and I actually understood what he meant :D :D :D

Geeks FTW ;)

Oooh did I mention how hot Justin Timberlake is in the movie?

Let's see what my Web Science lecturers would say about the movie next week.. Would be pretty interesting to hear their take on it..

The Social Network on IMDB

Hello again

2010-10-12T22:21:00.001+01:00

OK I'm gonna try and give this blog another go..

The reason? I've got a whole host of new goals to achieve, and the last time I published it online, I actually did quite well on getting them done.. So here goes :)

Google Maps + Real Estate

2010-05-14T13:07:00.002+01:00

OMG, I just found this out today!

When you view Google Maps, you can click More > Real Estate and it would list all properties for sale/rent in the area!

Awesome.

Mercury Retrograde strikes...

2010-04-15T16:44:00.002+01:00

All UK airspace has been cleared of aircraft due to Iceland's volcanic ash cloud. See: Icelandic volcanic ash alert grounds UK flights.

Guess when the retrograde is? April 17th to May 11th.

What's a Mercury retrograde? From Astrology on the Web:

Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry.

Here's hoping the next five weeks will go OK..

I'm baaacccckkkk

2009-01-25T15:59:00.002Z

It's been about a month since I've come back to Southampton. It's been really cold and grey outside. The sun's been shining on occasion, but only to trick me to come out of the warm indoors into freezing temperatures :P

The PhD's been going OK, if not slowly. I'm lucky that I know my way around a lot better than the average student. But I have this nagging feeling that I really should be more productive than I currently am.

I'm getting back into the groove of watching movies now, which is great. I've also managed to go back and see the water at Mayflower Park. I guess my next destination would be Riverside Park, but maybe later. I don't think I'm ready yet..

I've decided to maintain THREE blogs now. This one, my ECS one, and a new one solely dedicated to my research. Dunno how I'm gonna manage, but I will :)

Will post up the links to the other two when they're properly up and running.

This is it!

2008-12-26T17:15:00.004Z

No words can fully express the things running in my mind right now.

Sad that I'm leaving my family and friends.

Happy that I'm finally living my dream.

Proud that after all the pains I've finally found my gain.

Scared that I'm biting off more than I can chew.

Excited that I get to relive my student days all over again.

Concerned that if I don't perform, I'll have to pay my debts till the end of time.

But most importantly..

Thankful that Allah has granted me more than I ever thought I deserved. Alhamdulillah.

I'm thankful to my dad who diligently drove me around up and down West Malaysia when the goal was nowhere in sight. I'm thankful to my mom who was my source of motivation. If it weren't for my parents' help, I'm not sure I'd have the strength to be where I am right now.

I'm thankful to Eric whose assistance was probably was the turning point of my whole ordeal.

I'm thankful to Kak Rush who surprised me with her tenacity. I'm thankful to Pn Fawzia and Kak Fazlina who have been extremely kind and compassionate despite my constant pestering.

I'm thankful to Prof Jailani who went out on a limb for a nobody like me. I'm thankful to all the lovely kakaks and abangs who made me feel welcome at FST.

Other people waited for years to get where I am right now.. And many of my new found friends are still waiting. I feel so humbled to be here.

One thing's for sure. Failure is NOT an option.

I can feel like this is a major turning point in my life. Like I'm at the edge of a really tall cliff and I'm just about to jump. It's so scary but I know that this is my time to fly :)

Almost there..

2008-12-19T02:54:00.002Z

Visa dah siap. Yay!

Tapi tiket blum siap. Amik masa seminggu lagi.

:P

More time to catch up with people :)

So it's confirmed that I'm NOT flying this Saturday!

Visa oh visa..

2008-12-18T08:04:00.002Z

Haih.. Kata je kat website, dah ada online application and biometrics ni nanti all processing jadi lagi cepat.. Ni dah dua minggu dah ni oiii.. Dulu mintak time peak periods pun seminggu je dah dapat.. Haih..

Mintak2 laaaa esok dapat.. Kalo tak dapat? Kena pergi inform balik satu Malaysia yang aku tak jadi fly Sabtu ni.. Kena tunda lagi.. huhu..

Oh well.. More time for Prosperity Burger :D

Procrastination hits!

2008-11-28T16:22:00.002Z

I have to present a proposal this Tuesday.. My progress so far?

Progress? What do you mean by progress? :P

I am being pursued relentlessly by a guy.. It's quite unfortunate that it's not the guy I was hoping for :(

Haih.. sungguh laa memilih.. Jadi andartu karang baru menyesal..

Speaking of memilih.. Seseorang baru sahaja memilih kekasih hatinya.. Hehe.. You know who you are.. I'm so happy for you!! :D

To add to the list, another new friend of mine also got an engagement proposal.. Awww, sweet giler.. Especially considering how we were ~~bitching~~ discussing about men's commitment issues just a few weeks before that :D

Sigh.. I guess it's that time of year.. People are coupling up everywhere! :P

No, I shall not succumb to peer pressure.. yet..

Living in the Past

2008-11-09T16:48:00.003Z

Lots of people have been asking me, what's so special about Southampton? Of course, there's the skema answers like the Malaysian community is strong, the living costs are cheaper than London, etc. But if you were to ask me, "Dayah, what's so special about Southampton?" I'd give you a completely different answer.

When I was in Southampton, I found freedom that I never felt in my life before. If I wanted to do something, all I had to do was find out how and it gone done. I did and achieved things I could never dream of doing, and it was all possible when I was there.

When I'm here, there's this huge sense of limitation surrounding me; I can't do this, I can't do that. But the worst part of it is that I've lost that drive of getting past those limitations. I've lost the "can do" spirit that was once my backbone when I was doing my degree.

Somehow I've ingrained in my head the idea that when I get back there, I'll be my old self again, the one who always lived life with gusto.

At some point in my life, I have to remember that it's not where you are that determines how fulfilled your life is. It's what you do with the cards that were dealt that really matters.

Back to the Future

2008-10-28T08:33:00.002Z

I'm so psyched right now. I'm so looking forward to the future!

As of right now, I've made a pledge to myself to:

1. Have a cook-out session once a week where I try a new recipe each time.

2. Properly clean my room/flat once a week.

3. Go to the movies once a week, with or without a mate.

4. Visit my friends at least once every three months.

5. Go swimming at least twice a month.

This list will grow, for sure ;)

I'll be off in the wilderness for five days starting this Thursday. It's not gonna be fun, but who knows, I might see someone who catches my eye ;)

Alhamdulillah..

2008-10-22T18:36:00.003+01:00

Thank God.. Getting a lot closer :D

I just got news that my dearest friend is getting a job real soon.. I'm so happy for you!!

I'm sure you'll look really stylish in your sleek, sexy work clothes ;)

Makes me feel really left out being the only 'penganggur' amongst my friends :P

But oh well, eyes on the prize..

Letting Go

2008-10-08T17:37:00.001+01:00

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.

To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings, and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires
but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anybody
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less,
and love more.

- Anonymous

Raya!

2008-09-29T18:30:00.002+01:00

Last year, I used to gloat to my family and friends in Malaysia that I would be celebrating Eid a day earlier because I was in Southampton.

This year the tables are turned.

:(

Serves me right :P

Oh well, at least Ramadan's still here :D

Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir Batin :)

Third year project

2008-09-24T00:35:00.002+01:00

I was lying in bed when an overwhelming thought occurred to me.

I LOVE MY THIRD YEAR PROJECT! :D

(Which I submitted four months ago.)

Talk about repressed feelings, eh? :P

Yes, I thought it was a complete nightmare trying to figure out how to fit things together, but looking back at my project now, I can't believe that I actually managed to do what I had to do. I suppose my project is child's play compared to some of my classmates', but still, I think of it as my own little baby :)

I have to admit, my passion for the project didn't come until quite late into the process. I kinda regret not taking it more seriously. If I had worked a bit harder to complete the Probabilistic Latent Semantic Indexing bit of my project - yes, it's quite a mouthful - I would've aced it.

Nonetheless, I'm quite happy with how nice and shiny it turned out to be :D

I also find it very ironic that for a TYP that relies heavily on blog tags, I almost NEVER tag any of my blog posts :P

One month to go..

2008-09-23T18:44:00.004+01:00

.. before I go for BTN again :P

On one hand, I'm not too thrilled about reliving the "joys" of BTN but somehow I have a feeling that this time it's going to be different..

I know this isn't going to make sense to a lot of people, but..

I'm back :)

Time of reckoning

2008-09-20T16:49:00.002+01:00

14 October.. It's do or die..

Wish me luck!

One down :D

2008-09-12T14:18:00.002+01:00

Today, I received great news.. The thing I'm waiting for is on its way :)

Still have to wait for at least a month or so, but at least I'm getting there ;)

Most importantly, my mom's happy :D

Yay!

Things I found from the past

2008-09-09T18:05:00.002+01:00

About a year ago, I just ended a relationship and the break up wasn't pretty.. So to help me deal with it, I made a secret blog where I ranted about absolutely everything..

But now when I look back at it, I realized that at the end of my very last post in that blog, I had made this really special pledge..

To Mr. Right,

When you find me, this is what I've got in store for you.

1) I will make you the happiest man in the world.

2) I will make you feel more loved than you ever thought possible.

3) I will make the relationship work instead of blaming you whenever it isn't.

4) I will communicate my feelings and emotions better, instead of bottling them up inside until it bursts.

5) I will turn your world upside down, but it'll be worth your while because you won't know anything you wanna do more than to be with me.

And that's a promise.

:)

The promise still stands ;)

Nights

2008-09-08T17:43:00.002+01:00

It's kind of weird that I prefer night time because of the peace and quiet.. Yet at the same time, I don't really handle being alone all that well :S

I've discovered a long time ago that when I'm by myself at night, my head tends to think about a million things that I really shouldn't be thinking about.. Then I lose hours of sleep and end up waking up in the afternoon :P

The thing is, I'm addicted to this drug.. It's a mental "drug", btw.. Because it's a drug, it's not really good for me but I crave for it anyway.. The more I tell myself it's bad for me, the more I want it right here and now.. And yet, when I finally have it, I feel like I don't want it anymore.. Then when I lose it, I want it again.. And so the cycle continues..

Arrrggghhh.. I hate being an addict :(

I should find something else to crave for :P

I feel like my life's on hold.. Like I have to wait for something to happen before I can finally LIVE.. Well, I AM waiting for something.. And I've been waiting for it for the last six months now.. I am so tired of waiting! I wish I could just whip something just to make it happen..

I wonder why I'm so moody nowadays.. I suppose this self-imposed isolation is starting to take its toll on me.. But where can I go?

You know what.. If what I'm waiting for actually happens, the first thing I'm gonna do is go to the sea and just sit there.. I wanna hear the waves pounding on the shore.. Hear the birds swirling above my head.. I love being next to the water.. I once sat next to the river and cried my eyeballs out.. I was having a really rough time and when I was there, I felt safe enough to be vulnerable, so I cried.. When I left a couple of hours later, I felt so much better than I had in a long time..

So yes, now's one of those times when I could really use some "me" time next to the water :P

New look!

2008-09-07T19:24:00.000+01:00

Facelift complete :)

Here's to a new beginning :D

One month later

2008-09-07T11:00:00.002+01:00

Today I got the best compliment in the world.

My brother said to me, "You're not the Dayah I know."

The reason? Because he can't understand why I'm good at cooking now.

Muahahahahahaha :D

As you can see, I'm very happy now :)

I'm thinking of a blog facelift.. Most of my blogposts have been quite depressing so I'm moving away from that.. This black background isn't helping either :P

Watch this space ;)

Eject button pressed

2008-07-28T18:07:00.004+01:00

Yup, I've done what I do best. Run. Since I'm such an "expert" at these things now, I've come to terms with the subsequent patterns as well. All I need to do now is to survive the next few weeks :)

(Until then, don't be surprised to see any wallowing, self-depressing blog posts every now and then :P)

I'm back home in Malaysia now. Back to familiar faces. Familiar surroundings. Familiar food (yay!).

If anyone wants to give me a buzz, my new number is: +6017-6307855

My Love - Celine Dion

2008-06-26T01:23:00.002+01:00

My love, we have seen it all
The endless confession, the rise and fall
As fragile as a child
Lately I'm sorry I can't hold a smile

But I stand tall to get by
No matter how hard I try to hide
Did you know I take the time for you
Did you know that I would see you through
Did you know that I would play the part
I must've made it clear right from the start

My love, can you give me strength
Somehow I forgot how to ease my pain
I know I'm right where I belong
Something from nothing never proved me wrong

But I stand tall to get by
No matter how hard I try to hide
Did you know I take the time for you
Did you know that I would see you through
Did you know that I would play the part
I must've made it clear right from the start

I would shade my whole life with you
Would you do the same for me
I would give all I am to you
Would you do the same for me

And I will stand tall to get by
No matter how hard I try to hide
Could you see I've been brave
Did you notice all my mistakes
There were times I could feel you read my mind

Did you know I take the time for you
Did you know that I would see you through
Did you know that I would play the part
I know I made it clear right from the start

Results!

2008-06-20T18:59:00.000+01:00

I got First Class Honours!

:D

Alhamdulillah..

Tagged!

2008-06-09T00:06:00.002+01:00

Haha.. I guess I have a reason to come out of my blogging semi-retirement eh?

From Fin's blog:

rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

7 Facts:

1. I was born a month late.

2. I have a birthmark on my right hand. A doctor once said it could've been an extra finger that didn't develop.

3. I've never been dumped. Rejected, plenty. But dumped, nope. Now before you accuse me of being self-absorbed, this is actually a major issue in my relationships. I tend to hit the eject button more often than I should.

4. My fascination with astrology stems from the fact that I'd like to improve my people-reading skills. I once correctly guessed my lecturer's star sign just by talking to him. I was very pleased with that :D

5. I have four parents.

6. I like to sing. When I was 16, I joined a karaoke contest during some Family Day and I won a TV. I sung an old Celine Dion song that wasn't very popular. When I went to see her concert last month in London, I was singing WITH her. I was crying tears of joy throughout the concert. I fulfilled my lifelong dream and it felt like I had come full circle.

7. I love Survivor. Have you seen Survivor: Fans vs Faves? It reminds me why I fell in love with the series in the first place.

Aih.. Malas nak tag orang boleh? :P

I'm back

2008-05-08T22:35:00.002+01:00

I've just handed in my final year report this morning. Now I can get my life back in order :)

One thing I noticed while I was surfing the Internet that most news are always sad and depressing. I mean, I can understand that these stories sell better, but my Pisces self keeps absorbing all these dark emotions like a sponge. Is it a wonder why I don't like to read the news because it makes me depressed?

So to lighten up the mood (somewhat), I'd like to post up snippets from a very enlightening blog post I've read today:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is Islam?

The host asked me to say a few words, which I did, and this was followed by a questions and answers session. Amongst the questions was ... He wanted to know if I am still a Muslim as what I write gives an impression I have left Islam.

...

I do not blame this ... chap for asking me that. Being Chinese and a non-Muslim he probably does not understand what Islam is all about. In fact, many Muslims themselves do not understand Islam and to them Islam is merely the five rukun or rituals that all Muslims must perform to get ‘confirmed’ as a Muslim.

Rituals, however, are just that, rituals. These are what Muslims would call fardu ain. You acknowledge in your heart and on your lips that there is no God but God and that Muhammad is the Messenger of God, you pray five times a day, you pay your tithes (zakat and fitrah), you fast 29-30 days in a year during the month of Ramadhan, and you go Mekah at least once in your lifetime to perform your pilgrimage or Haj if you are able to (health-wise, finance-wise, and if it poses no danger to your safety and security and you are not barred from leaving your home).

Doing these five things would make you a Muslim but only as far as performing the rituals are concerned. Whether you are truly a Muslim at heart or just a ‘show’ Muslim would be subject to whether you really have faith or akidah. And akidah can never be in the rituals you perform. It has to be something that rests in your head and lies in your heart. Which means you have no control over akidah. Either you have it or you don’t. You can’t ‘perform’ akidah like you can your prayers, fasting, Haj, and so on.

The akidah part is where most Muslims fail. They could be doing more than just fast 29-30 days a year but be fasting on the optional days as well. They could be praying more than just five times a day but be performing the optional prayers as well. They could be going to Mekah every year with the ‘small Haj’ or Umrah thrown in between that. And they could be paying more than just the 2.5% tithe but be giving sedekah (donations) to all forms of charity and causes. But if they don’t have akidah then they are not Muslims. And many Muslims are merely ‘show’ Muslims but not really Muslims at heart.

Uttering on your lips that there is no God but God and that Muhammad is the Messenger of God is easy. Even believing that is not difficult. Praying five times a day and fasting 30 days or more a year is also not difficult. In fact, it may actually be quite healthy if you are not diabetic or suffer from gastric. And paying a lot of money by way of tithes and by donating to various charities plus going to Mekah every year is also no problem if you are rich. However, beyond this, most Muslims fail miserably.

How many Muslims would believe in and accept God’s will? They would believe in God and believe that God owns all and decides all but they find great difficulty in believing in and accepting God’s will. Of course, every Muslim will say that man proposes but God disposes. But do they really believe this? And can they accept this? Sad to say, most would not.

... one thing is very clear in my mind. This is God’s will and ... this is what God has willed for me. And I will submit to God’s will for does not Islam mean submission?

Yes, Islam is not about rituals. Islam is not about ‘showing’ you are a true Muslim by performing rituals. Islam is about submission and there can be no submission unless you are able to and prepared to submit to God’s will. Not doing so would mean that you have no submission in your heart and therefore would not be a Muslim at heart.

... nothing can happen without God’s will. ... The Lord, as we all know, moves in mysterious ways. God knows what He is doing. We must therefore look at the big picture. And the big picture would become clearer as time goes on.

...

Whatever it may be, God is not frivolous. God does not do things for no reason. God always does things with a purpose in mind. So we must go along with God’s grand plan because God has said in the Holy Book that he is the greatest schemer of all and mankind can never be a greater schemer than Him.

... I will do what is required of me and not question God’s wisdom. For I am not a Muslim by way of mere rituals but a Muslim at heart. It is from God we came and to God we shall return. And everything that happens in-between is part of God’s grand plan.

Yes, performing rituals is easy. A ‘show’ Muslim is not hard to emulate. But a true Muslim at heart is what Islam is all about. And I would like to be that type of Muslim who surrenders to God’s will with gratitude in my heart and faith in that whatever befalls me is always for a reason and part of God’s plan that has been determined long before I came into the world ...

Taken from here.

Halls

2008-04-20T00:34:00.002+01:00

When I moved into this hall of residence, the cracks on the wall made me slightly weary of the building's structure, but over time I've grown used to seeing them.

Today, three out of four main lights in the kitchen stopped working completely and the Internet is being temperamental at best. But then again, when the Internet does work, it's amazingly fast with speeds you won't find anywhere in Malaysia :D

Just two more months to go before I leave this cosy room of mine.

I got an email from my sponsor describing the job I'll be doing once I go back to Malaysia. I'll be a Learning Facilitator in the company's training division. The description sounds very professional and I'll be learning on job a lot.

I'm so excited over next Friday :D

Haih

2008-04-13T00:09:00.003+01:00

The thing I wanted that I said I got in my last post? Elok2 kena tarik balik.. Haih.. It wasn't meant to be :(

Oh well.

I realize that I'm being very philosophical about leaving UK soon. I guess it's better than being depressed.

Easter is almost over. Come Monday, it's back to classes again, although to be honest, my classes are so sparse it doesn't really feel that much different anyway, LOL :P

This Easter is also my last so I decided to go visit my friends in the UK instead of ~~burning money~~ touring Europe.

BIRMINGHAM: Iqa made this really mean mee hailam and grilled fish. Acap belanja makan itik szechuan (yang sangat sedap). I went to see the infamous Bullring, Cadbury World and Birmingham University. Their rent is ridiculously cheap! For 188 quid a month, my friend had a massive double room in a big house with a jacuzzi in the shared bathroom.

NOTTINGHAM: Managed to persuade Iqa to come along to Notts. Emirin took us on the Nottingham Eye (at least I've been on one now!) and we had a very yummy (halal!) Chinese buffet. That night we had a hilarious girl talk session joined by Hajar and saw snowflakes through the window. We stayed up till 2am. The next day, we went to a car boot sale in the freezing cold and later took my first tram ride in the UK. Afterwards, we met with a long-lost friend of mine, Weye, and we ended up playing Monopoly twice and went bowling 5 games straight that night!

One common thread in both trips was that I managed to merapatkan silaturrahim sesama ukhwah.. Iqa hasn't seen Acap for some time while Nopi didn't even know Emirin was in the same uni as her :P

OXFORD: This is more of an impromptu trip because I happened to be in Oxford and I had a couple of hours to kill so I enlisted the help of my friends to become my tour guides. I contacted Nadia who referred me to Khalid who referred me to Hizami who sportingly gave me a tour of several Oxford colleges, the city centre and also patiently waited for me as I queued to buy my (halal!) KFC. I met with Khalid later for probably just 5 minutes or so because by then I had to dash back.

A big THANK YOU to my lovely friends for being stellar hosts :D

Iqa, rumah ko best giler tau takkk. Acap, thanks sbb belanja and layan kitorg ber-Bullring, haha. Nopi, bergosip dgn ko mmg sgt best. Emirin, thanks sbb jd tour guide on call kitorg. Weye, ko dgn suami ko comel laa, hehe. Hizami, you've become a master tour guide. Khalid, sorry tak sembang lama pun dgn ko, kalo ko masak best2 nnt aku dtg lg, huhu.

(I don't think any of them read this blog, but oh well.)

I'm revamping my list of dreams too. Time's running short and it's time to reorganize my priorities ;)

P/S: Hajar was warded right after we met her that night. She had an operation early this week. Please pray for her speedy recovery. Amin.

Wow

2008-03-31T01:26:00.002+01:00

I just got back from a 6d/5n stay in London. I'm a bit tired now, especially with my cold that went full force since yesterday, but my mind's too busy processing things right now.

You know how sometimes you keep thinking that it's impossible to do something and all you wanna do is give up instead of going kamikaze? Well that happened to me, specifically last Friday. I was dreading it all week, fearing I'd be swallowed alive by a wave of fire.

But you know what happened? The unthinkable.

I got what I wanted.

And now, instead of rejoicing with glee, I'm sitting here feeling anxious about what's in store for me.

Everything that I know and everyone that I've met will soon become a distant memory. In order to achieve my goal, I'll be sacrificing those that I've come to accept as my own family.

You know how you've grown so close to someone who's been so kind to you that you can't help but feel affectionate about that person.

I'm embarking on a new life and frankly, it's horribly scary.

It's funny how my biggest dream is also my biggest fear.

I know that you need to sacrifice a few things in order to succeed and God knows how much I want to succeed, but at times I do wonder if it will all be worth it. It's going to be one painfully lonely trip but I know I've gotta get through this. It's my destiny and I will make it happen.

"Ya Allah, syukur alhamdulillah for granting me this wish. I'm only a humble servant and I don't deserve such kindness from You, but I will make the most of what You have granted to me and I won't let You down."

P/S: Sorry for the cryptic post, but I'm not at liberty to divulge in details until it gets confirmed. If you really wanna know, then ask me.

Hmmm

2008-02-28T03:16:00.002Z

I've been thinking a lot about what I'm gonna do after I graduate in July this year. I've got loads of options mulling in my head and as that special someone aptly pointed out, I was putting my tiny little bum onto too many chairs :P

So at the moment, I've been working on one specific "chair" as it were. I don't know how I should describe my situation. Let's just say that I have a box of tools to create that chair. Unfortunately, one of those tools just broke. Now I'm just left with one super-magic tool that can create chairs instantaneously but it may or may not work because it has a mind of it's own :P

So yes. Now I can either pray to God that the tool will magically work or I could just move on to another chair :P

Oh well. I really shouldn't worry too much about it. What's the worse that can happen?

Happy days

2008-02-24T22:23:00.003Z

Last Friday was my birthday. I had a blast :D

Got loads of chocolate, you see :P

I got my exam results the same day and I'm very happy with what I got. See, it really was Celine Dion's name that nailed it for me, hehe. Then on the same day, I also passed my room inspection! So yes, my birthday has been really good this year ;)

Went to town for some Chinese food that I've been craving for and I also went to see the movie Juno. I just love it when the Dad said this:

"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

Sigh.. More and more of my life philosophies are based on Hollywood movies, lol :)

Loads of things have happened in between my exams and now. I was the student leader for a team of 30 helpers during the ECS Careers Fair. I got to flesh out my bossy self to the max on that day :D

I've also begun some preliminary work on my Undergraduate Ambassadors Scheme. I'm now visiting a local junior school to help teachers in classrooms of 7-9 year olds (awww!) :D

I've been doing loads of random small things that give me the utmost joy and I can safely say that I can't remember the last time I've been this happy.

Alhamdulillah :)

Freedom!

2008-01-24T19:30:00.000Z

Yes, I'm free now. But not without a price. Every single topic that I didn't want to see in the paper CAME UP so I just used my blagging skills to the max today.

Oh well. It's just an exam that's worth 100% of the total module :P

So after going into town for the last 7 hours to "celebrate" my freedom, I'm now off again to do more or less the same.

:D

I've got my life back :)

I love you..

2008-01-23T19:13:00.000Z

.. Celine Dion.

I actually wrote down her name in my exam paper today. How cool is that? I'm well chuffed about it :D

Today's paper was awesome. If I get good marks for this paper, I'm gonna dedicate it all to her, LOL :P

Dunno how it'll go for tomorrow's paper, but oh well.

The bright side is that this time tomorrow, I'll be freeeeeeeeeeeee :D

Not long to go now ;)

'Tis the season

2008-01-22T23:24:00.000Z

Wed 23rd, 2.30pm, E-Business Techniques, 2 hours
Thurs 24th, 9.30am, Scripting Languages, 2 hours

I can do this!

:D

One more down!

2008-01-19T01:37:00.001Z

I wrote an article for the Wessex Scene and now it's been published! Woohhoo!!

I'm currently thinking of doing an article on Uni-Link bus drivers but it's probably not well suited for the next edition's theme. Hmm..

Next mission: Submit an article for the Shine awards. The deadline's next Monday!

Oh, and possibly do some studying as well :P

I'm thinking I could use some new dreams now. Most of the items on my list are either done or underway :D

Banging my head against the wall

2008-01-15T17:03:00.000Z

Dayah, you are such an idiot.

I have a feeling I'm going to regret all this sometime in the future. But yes, what's done is done. Way to go.

Don't even bother to ask me what the problem is. I mean it.